Dari sejak hamil, udah langsung terasa bahwa punya anak butuh biaya. Mulai dari persiapan menyambut kelahiran anak, segala peralatan, baju, sampe biaya check up dokter kandungan kalo ditotal-total …
What do I do when I have a shit ton of stuff to do but don’t wanna do them? I write a blog post. There’s only so much you can do to avoid work, after all. I browsed facebook for ages, clicked random articles on the web, scoured instagram’s feed, and lurked on twitter already. I was starting to run out of unimportant things to do. Then I remembered my blog. Lol. So here we are.
I don’t even have a theme. What am I writing about? Nothing. I got nothing. I just need to avoid my work at all costs. Because there’s a lot of it. And I don’t know where to start. And I’m feeling kinda down and not up for the job. It’s like I’m defeated even before I try.
I don’t know why I’m sooo down in the dumps lately. Everyday I’m batting this low self-esteem and every day I feel like losing. Even when other people depend on me and expect me to deliver. I don’t. I never deliver these days. I just want to go home and cuddle with my baby. Which, by the way, makes me feel like such a disappointing mother as I’m supposed to give him a good example. You know, discipline, and perseverance and stuff. I can’t.
Lucky for me nobody reads this blog so well, I’ll whine all I want while trying to find some motivation. It’s hard. No one told me life was gonna be this way. Clap clap clap clap.
The first day of my son’s life was a very happy, but gruelling, day for me. It was the day I found out that I had the strength of a monster truck. All women do, apparently, so do not EVER let anyone make you think you aren’t strong enough for whatever it is you’re facing.
Growing up I have always thought of myself as a physically weak person. I get sick easily, get tired pretty quickly, etc. I myself, doubted whether I could do a vaginal delivery or not. However as my pregnancy progresses, it became clear that I would have to give birth naturally, because I was not high risk and therefore there was no medical reason why I had to get a c section (even though after giving birth we found out that there actually was a reason.)
So I was really scared thinking about natural birth that I actually started avoiding to think about it. I did Google it a bit but not too much because I feared I’d be too scared when the time comes. When most people would be anxious, excited, or worrying about giving birth, I wasn’t. I just did not think about it at all.
My due date was June 2nd, so at May 30th my mother had came from Depok to accompany me through the process. But one day after my mom came, I started having stomachaches. I had just eaten some rica-rica pork which was spicy as hell so I thought it was diarrhea. However I also had my suspicions that it could be real contractions, so before bed I and my husband said a small prayer asking God to walk with us through the process. At 00.00 a.m. one day before my due date, I lay there wide awake beside my husband, timing my stomachaches. At 2.30 a.m. in the middle of the night as it started raining heavily, I woke my husband and mother up, and we rushed to the hospital.
The delivery ward was scary. My husband had gone to take care of the room administration and while waiting for him, the midwife checked my cervix opening (which hurt like hell oh my God). In the bed next to me just separated by a curtain, was a screaming lady who was having contractions. She was screaming and wailing really loud, it made me start getting nervous. At around 3.30 a.m., we went into our room. When the sun started to rise, I was screaming louder than that lady.
On the first day of my son’s life, I cried more than I have ever done in a lifetime. When the waves of pain came I could only scream and cry. I would also hit and bite my husband sometimes. My husband was not being his usual grumpy self, he said to me softly over and over again that I am strong. That he knows I am strong even though I don’t know it myself. He stood by me for hours trying to give me some support and strength through his touch. I could see the worry in his eyes but he didn’t say anything other than supporting words.
At 5.30 p.m after hours of agony, the nurses asked if I was hungry. “What do you want to eat?”, they asked. I gave them my stinkiest eye while screaming internally, “Dude are you kidding me right now???!!” How could they ask about food when I’m screaming (externally) like a madman every 2 minutes? But then my mother made me some raw honey and egg, and said this will give you a little bit of fuel to push. Eww. Raw egg. I reluctantly swallowed the concoction, it gave a slight burning feeling to my throat that was sore and dry from all that screaming. A few minutes later, I felt a gush of water run through my thighs. My water had broke. Super eww feeling. Moments later the midwives finally said, “get ready to push”.
I was already exhausted. I was tired and I just wanted the pain to stop. I didn’t know whether I had the strength to push or not. But I knew that this would be the first day of my son’s life. He had been in my belly for more than nine months, I was ready to kick him out of his comfort zone and make him see the world. So I clenched my teeth and started pushing. But my son didn’t seem to want to get out, he was like a bad apartment tenant trying to evade eviction. So then bad thoughts started running through my head. I can’t do this. I’m not strong enough for this. My son doesn’t want to come out. God please help me. “Come on son”, I thought, “don’t overstay your welcome inside my womb.” I felt my husband’s hand on my shoulder as I drew a long breath and gathered what strength I had left, and pushed again. At 7.00 p.m., a loud cry emerged. My son was born.
After delivery, the midwives said that probably the reason why I took longer than most women to push baby out was because the umbilical cord was really short. So when I pushed my son out, sometimes it would seem like he was being pulled back in or something was pulling him preventing him to easily be delivered. Normal umbilical cords are way more than 40 cm long but mine was less than 30 cm.
Naturally afterwards my husband googled about short cords and found out it was high risk to have a vaginal birth. There was the risk of uterus prolapse and severe bleeding! So if this matter was found out from the start, I would probably be advised to have a c-section. Scary. So I am forever grateful for the first day of my son’s life as it was full of miracles. The fact that I was able to give birth naturally despite the short umbilical cord was truly miraculous. However, as my husband said to me afterwards, “you keep praying for God to give you strength, but in fact you already have it all along. The only thing God helped you with was to conquer your own mind and fear. Your prayers helped you to conquer yourself”. And, with teary eyes I said to him:
“Man, that is some deep profound shit you just said right there.”
To which he replied:
“Of course. Because I’m a dad now.”
Dari sejak hamil, udah langsung terasa bahwa punya anak butuh biaya. Mulai dari persiapan menyambut kelahiran anak, segala peralatan, baju, sampe biaya check up dokter kandungan kalo ditotal-total lumayan gede. Ditambah dengan biaya rumah sakit untuk proses kelahirannya sendiri. Nah begitu anak brojol, mulailah khawatir soal biaya sehari-hari termasuk biaya pendidikan dia sampe lulus kuliah, sementara kalo cek biaya untuk saat ini aja, uang pangkal dan SPP udah gede2 banget. Memang dengan tingkat pendapatan gue dan suami saat ini, kayaknya sih masih oke2 aja. “Bisalah,” pikir gue. Tapi, begitu gue inget kalo belom punya rumah sendiri, pengen wisata ke luar negeri, pengen bisa bolak balik jakarta kapanpun buat mudik, pengen ini pengen itu belom ditambah pengen punya anak lagi (!!!), jadi waw juga angka tujuan keuangan gue.
Trus gimana dong caranya supaya gak kelabakan di masa depan? Evaluation, programming, budgeting, implementing, and monitoring. Bhahahaha. Stres gue mendadak jadi berasa lagi ngurusin kerjaan e-monitoring auk ah. Maksud gw tuh ya harus melakukan perencanaan keuangan, yang biasanya terdiri dari beberapa langkah: memeriksa kondisi/status keuangan kita saat ini, menetapkan tujuan keuangan, membuat penganggarannya yaitu pos-pos pengeluaran maupun investasi apa aja yang perlu dan berapa yang masuk pos mana, trus yang terakhir ya menerapkan perencanaan itu dan memastikan dilakukan dengan baik. Nah, langkah2 itu emang perlu untuk mencapai kesuksesan finansial supaya bisa hidup dengan
foya-foya nyaman. Ya maksudnya siapa sih yang pengen hidup dengan keuangan mepet2 terus, maunya kan pasti nyaman, at least ga usah mikir dua kali kalo suatu waktu mendadak pengen jajan starbucks atau beli skincare korea mahal ya gak ya gak? (Btw starbucks belom ada di Ambon. Buruan kek ah, gue butuh minum kopi kemahalan sekali2 kan.) Continue reading “Money Worries: Financial Planning untuk Anak”
Motherhood is supposed to be an instinct, right?
Cuma karena udah hamil selama 9 bulan bukan berarti begitu bayi lahir gw langsung tau apa yg harus dilakukan.
Istilah clodi (cloth diapers) sebenarnya mengacu pada jenis popok kain tertentu; bukan tipe popok kain yg cuma selembar dan ada talinya itu, melainkan popok kain modern yang daya serapnya seperti popok sekali pakai (pospak), tapi bisa dicuci ulang. Meskipun harganya lumayan mahal dibandingin pospak yang sekitar duarebu per biji, tapi kalau pemakaian dan perawatan nya bagus, clodi bisa dipakai sampai anak usia toilet training, dan bahkan dilungsurin ke adik2nya nanti… Continue reading “The Clodi Post: Tentang Prewash”